Sun Sign Astrology
The Good and Bad News About Your Sign
Articles from ‘The San Francisco Pocket Astrologer,’ may be used for astrological study
with inclusion of all appropriate copyright notes. If there are questions, please email
Donna Kova, The Divining Nation or The West Coast Magazine.
If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional to do the job,
wait until you hire an amateur.
- Red Adair
On his fee for extinguishing oil well fires after the Gulf War
Aries, The Ram * Cardinal Sign
Fire Sign: Entrepreneur, Extrovert, Self-starter
Aries thrives on open discussions and debates, with the ability to defend either side in an argument with vigor. This is associated with spiral movement of creation [through the spine.] It is an upward movement, tolerating neither imperfection nor hesitation. Natives believe it is good to get information and facts out into the open and clear the air. Good aspects give a lot of energy, force, and enterprise in the acquisition of possessions. Difficult aspects can bring physical consequences that accompany too much confrontation, such as problems with digestion, disappointment, mental distress, or inharmony in relationships. Aries will focus on life force, struggle for survival and physical prowess. The goal is ultimate peace and final joy. Herein you find human rights activists and those who march in protest against injustice. At the same time, Aries creates problems if there is too much haste when trying to problem solve. The Sun is most beneficial in Aries because of the nobility of purpose produced by the Sun-Mars combination. The desire to defend others and fight for the rights of all is key to understanding this fiercely independent personality. The first sign of Spring brings the electrical energies in nature back to the surface of the Earth. Aires also rules this type of dynamic energy in the physical realm. Response to emergencies with speed, strength, and power give Aries natives an extroverted life style with a tendency to enjoy challenges and struggles for victory. The good news about Aries is their enthusiasm that inspires people to move into action and speak out about their beliefs and philosophy of life. This sign is the spirit of inspiration and cognition. Leaders born during this time of year generate interest in whatever they find of importance, sometimes just by the strength of their personalities. The bad news is the tendency to be reckless or respond to a situation too quickly, before reflection has been given time to introduce options that can balance out friction and cause of the immediate situation.
Sun Sign: Aries Marlon Brando
Russell Crowe Master and Commander, Aries
Booker T. Washington
Emma Watson at Hogwarts
Taurus, The Bull * Fixed Sign
Earth Sign: Magnetic Personality, Down-to-Earth, Persistent
The Taurean is noted for patience, torque and following through with things Aries begins. Perseverance, repetition in the cycles of time, and steadiness are a few key words for Taurus. Natives are seldom rattled or provoked to the point of real anger – when that happens its bad news. However, once they have let off steam, they soon resume a calm exterior. The good news about Taurus is an innate ability to adapt to circumstances that demand slow and steady concentration, endurance and a set of standards that form a firm foundation for business relationships. Those born under this sign work hard for what they acquire and usually they have the best – particularly when it comes to fine art, antiques, their garden, pets, tapestries and good sturdy rugs, cars and objects d’art. Taurus loves fair-play, flirtinng, and fine dining. Currently ruled by the planet of beauty and harmony, Venus, natives often go in for antique jewelry, wooden and metal art and fine music. There is an electrical atmospheric quality about this sign; although usually quite conservative in their ways, they can be most unconventional when it suits them. The good news about Taurus is genuine charm in well thought out domestic and professional life styles. Eyes are warm, kind, and attractive. Scorpio natives (the reflex-balance factor for Taurus) have hypnotic and fascinating eyes, Taurean eyes have a special soft and pleasant appearance. This, coupled with their famous determined will and persistence make it difficult to say “no” to Taurus. The second sign rules the neck, which joins the head to the body, so natives often pursue yoga, tai chi, chakra studies to balance spirit and body. The bad news is that these people take an ‘eternity’ making up their minds if standing on new ground.
Sun Sign: Taurus, Winged Bull
Cate Blanchett Lothlorien
Bruce Boxleitner Taurus, I Need A Hero
George Clooney and visit Prayer and Candles for the Refugee of the World, including Prayer for Darfur
Mimi Farina Bread and Roses
Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy
George Lucas and visit
Michelle Pfeiffer dedicated Ladyhawke page
Gemini, The Twins * Mutable Sign
Air Sign: Reporting, Energy Management, Publication
At first glance the glyph of The Twins appears to be a Roman Numeral II. The twins represent the bi-polar aspect of our world and creation within the material spheres. They rule the two hands, two arms, two lungs, and action such as inhaling and exhaling, the heart beating in and out, and so on – the movement of cosmic energy patterns. The good news about this enthusiastic and fast moving air sign is an ability to process volumes of news and data quickly. As the glyph suggests there are two main active parts composing this whole cycle of movement: Gemini gathers or accumulates facts, datum, news and so on, and then prepares the same for re-distribution to the community in news format. Mercury oversees most communication in print, correspondence, credentials, bookkeeping, and computer advertising. Interesting resources discovered and the repertoire of stories, jokes, and puns give Gemini presentations a special flavor all their own. The bad news about Gems is primarily negative use of the speech center, or a tendency for the reporting faculty to degenerate to the level of gossip. A centered Geminian has the ability to co-ordinate mind with the physical body, so that both work toward the common goals the will is constructs on a day-to-day basis. Able to multi-task without fidgeting, Gemini will hold down two jobs, maintain two businesses, and interview with new partners - their right hand never knows what their left hand is doing. This versatile practice may work for or against Gem. The deciding factor is how many irons are in the fire when new projects are launched. This sign is ruled by the Messenger of the Gods. Analysis, writing, and public speaking, are special talents, along with coordination of the ‘large’ event. In the psychic domain: most lower mind gifts such as dowsing [especially voice dowsing], automatic writing, and code deciphering are often evident.
John 'Bonzo' Bonham, Led Zeppelin drums
Performers on the World Stage
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle dedicated Sherlock Holmes page
Venus Williams, Gemini compared with sister Serena Williams, Libra
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Moonchild, The Cancerean * Cardinal Sign
Water Sign: Domestic Matters, Psyche Seat of Power, Intuitive Tracking
This quiet, reserved sign was once symbolized by very different symbols than those we know now. The ancient scarab from Egypt, symbol of life renewing itself continually, is similar to the shellfish or tortoise, because of protective armor common to all. The subtle body symbol was a defender of the physical temple [during formation] and we have lost this reference entirely. The Ancient Greeks sometimes saw the tenacity (to hold onto life) as a pair of tongs. Today, popular symbols for the Moon’s sign are the crab, tortoise and shellfish, suggesting the sign as adaptive to the immediate environment and a shifting energy field. Natives value domestic peace, the positive and tranquil mood, and an inclusive cosmic factor. The good news about Moonchildren is their capacity to provide a nurturing, secure home life for family and guests in their home. Hyper-sensitive to betrayal and abandonment themes, they consider spiritual and physical nourishment in their family unit equally vital. Excellent caterers, hosts and hostesses, the native is renown for vittles selection, preparation and service. Moonchildren are often vulnerable due to their desire to provide security [parent] and kindness, and make frequent sacrifices for the benefit of those they love. The word agape (from the Greeks, meaning ‘love feast’) encompasses the motivations of the Lunar type... there is always room for one more at the table. The good news about the sign of the Summer Solstice is clan unity power. Teaching order and graceful compliance with Nature’s law comes easily. Just as the Summer Solstice is the longest day of the year, so too the Moonchildren may tend to move too slowly because there seems to always be plenty of time.
Harrison Ford, and
Trump V Indiana Jones
Donald Sutherland - President Snow, Hunger Games
Liv Tyler dedicated page for Arwen Evenstar and her Garden
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Leo, The Lion * Fixed Sign
Fire Sign: Initiative-Risk Taking, Champion of the Inner Child, Pleasure Principle
Leo is the Sun’s own sign, generating massive amounts of warmth, health and vitality – just as our hearts do. Natives thrive in a spotlight - that is where the action is. Ancient symbols refer to the Sun as the source of life and healing capability, symbolized [as either gold or silver] in the royal marriage with the Moon. A real Leo has rainbow wave energy shining forth [at fifth heaven] from within. The Herculean type and Apollo type Leo learn early how to identify the game rules and define particulars involved within any arena of action. Leo rules the opened heart center and mystic Sun power. They tend to first accept or reject anything that comes to them based on an already established concept of law and order. For this reason Leo can appear very stubborn. Natives are good leaders, executives, and friends, but if they are negative or afflicted, they tend to shoulder Herculean tasks too difficult (for one person) and fail to delegate. Many people want to participate and Leo may not defer the opportunity. The good news about this regal sign is the capability for both vertical and horizontal thought. They are able to solve a problem either by using a conservative, tried and true formula for success or they can see a completely new approach to almost any problem. This makes Leo creative as well as one who can resolve difficulties, and select one way or another. The bad news about Leo is inflexibility under adverse criticism, and failure to maintain proper perspective during excessive, hostile situations. Their fiery nature makes them idealistic, romantic, and sometimes they over-estimate their own strength. But once their word is given they will give their all to insure that the contract is fulfilled.
Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, later Queen Elizabeth (Elizabeth Angela Marguerite)
Robert Plant, support musician CD for refugees The Long Road, Plant chose to record a version of Elbow’s track ‘The Blanket of Night’
Additional information @ The Orange Wave, Orange-Red Wave, and The Red, Gold and Black Wave. see navigation Colour Waves
Virgo, The Virgin, Corn Maiden * Mutable Sign
Earth Sign: Business-Commerce-Trade, Analysis, Focus on Daily Achievement
The symbol for Mercury incorporates the cross, the circle, and also the half-circle, showing that Mercury represents body, soul and spirit, the three-fold division of every incarnate individual. Virgo is a practical, logical earth sign, the selectionist and discriminating mind. The scientific viewpoint of the Virgoan marks work and efforts that maintain good health mentally, physically and spiritually. The native loves to place everything before the waking conscious mind divided as categories, surgically organizing things so study can proceed in regard to various factors that compose the whole. Virgoans are known for their editing skill, mastery of sub-text, precision-oriented graphic design, and preferences of a perfectionist. This sign rules the whole (holistic) concept of working in both the spiritual and mundane sense, as above, so below, inscribed on the emerald tablet. Spiritual labor may be commitment to service to humanity, at the community level. In the mundane world, natives can work tirelessly on very detailed projects for long hours, without complaint. Hearth and home are tradition - household gods and goddesses govern this part of the zodiac. Glyph references originally embraced drama-mystery plays dedicated to Ceres-Demeter, and Vestal Virgins who tended the eternal flame. Symbols were associated with harvest, karma, and payment. Corn, sheaves of wheat, and grapes suggest good karma. Cause and effect are strongly emphasized in Virgo presentations. Statistics, charts, and “bottom line” references are staple outline proofs. The good news is any painstaking effort to establish a system, device, or formula that operates in conformity with Natural law, such as wind and solar technology, with minimal erosion. The bad news about this particular zodiacal sign is an inability to critique in a purely objective manner, bearing in mind that human frailty should be taken into account in any evaluation. Virgo is associated with trade, commerce and a desire to re-infuse energies back into the environment in return for what has been taken to survive.
John Cipollina Quicksilver Lightning, dedicated to Mercury's Children The Quicksilver Messenger Service
Sean Connery tribute fanpage
Sonny Rollins, tenor sax
Additional information @ The Blue Wave and The Blue-Violet Wave. see
Colour Waves for navigation through the prism
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Libra, The Scales or Balance * Cardinal Sign
Air Sign: Intellect, Communication, Relationships
Libra is the social sign that searches for elusive qualities such as beauty, love, and balance. Practical experience of an exact equilibrium takes place two days during the year - the first day of Spring and the first day of Autumn. This sense of order is mirrored in archetypes associated with both the Equinoxes, embedded in the sign of Aries and Libra. We draw up contracts that set out evenly distributed responsibilities between two entities, like the allocation of equal day and night hours in a 24 hour cycle. We search for harmony in professional life, partnerships, and our relationships. We hope to receive balanced feedback from the audiences we have in the ever changing tapestry of life. The symbol of this pivotal sign provides an external picture of life in unchartered territory - the undiscovered country. We try to balance everything in a mortal [external] and immortal [internal] sense to attain a midpoint view of opposites, extreme tendencies, and perspectives that are new. Libra is associated with Sunset, the time of day on the cusp of evening. Librans know how to attract people to positive co-created goals and break down communication barriers that separate people in our world. Natives tend to be multi-lingual because they love to communicate. They wear many hats: ambassadors, public relations people, stage, and unusually accomplished orators. Professional quests are often in the role of public speaker, politician, actor/actress and attorney. The good news about Libra is the power to conform to strange customs and views in a graceful manner. Natives are frequently involved with international business, trade, and bi-partisan politics. Art, music, short film, and poetry are often mastered hobbies, perhaps even as the lucrative kitchen business. There is almost always an interest in theatre and dance. The bad news is the indecisiveness or ‘hurry up and wait’ scenario. Sometimes they are coaxed in, frequently they are responsible for a slow down. Venus, always accompanied by her Graces, rules both Peace and War, and in an astrological map Libra's department of life includes epithets, significant partners, and open enemies.
Viggo Mortenson dedicated page for Strider in the Wild
Colour Waves additional information @ The Blue Wave, The Green Wave, The Fourth Primary Colour, and Friends of The Nature Spirits.
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Scorpio, The Scorpion, Cobra, Eagle/Phoenix * Fixed Sign
Water Sign: Reform-Renovation, Empathic/psyche bonds, Initiation
The second watery sign specifically associates itself with initiation trials leading through life/death reality as two sides of the same coin - two faces in the eternal dance through time. This fixed sign is intensely charged because, when developed in a positive vein, Scorpio achieves the highest spiritual adeptship of which we are capable. The symbol is the eagle/phoenix, dove and sometimes vulture or hawk - flight paths established temple networks in pre-Christian civilizations. Ancient initiations were slated to coincide with the Sun's sojourn through this mystical and profound zodiacal sector. This is the only creature in creation capable of stinging itself to death with its own poison, symbol of the act of self-undoing. Any profession specifying cleansing, purging or purification will appeal, along with transfiguration work, associations with the time lords, time turner, and the “tunnel” to other dimensions. Scientific research that can pull people back from Cancer and AIDS, such as St. Jude's Children Hospital, walk hand in hand with the world server here. Great sportsmen, daredevils, stunt men are frequently born under this sign because they have no fear of death. Professions are often balanced on the life and death line, geared to protect, rescue, and heal humanity. Firemen [Backdraft], paramedics, and medical specialists function within the 'Cobra' band of Scorpio. The good news about Scorpio is the power to transform, reform, evolve, renovate. Natives in the Eagle/Phoenix band of Scorpio update antiquated laws and systems efficiently as the sign most associated with Akasha. Although this sign governs matters that involve surrender, giving up and casting off; the admonition is 'Be careful what you wish for' - also part of this package. The bad news about Scorpio is the unfortunate tendency to tear down something now corroded but neglect to establish something functional to replace it. It is said Scorpio rules the Atomic Age.
Additional information @ The Akasha-Black Wave and The Transparent Wave.
visit the entry page for
The Transparent Wave and the full article for The Transparency Wave
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Sagittarius, The Centaur * Mutable Sign
Fire Sign: Love of Adventure, Self-propelled Status, Electric-Charismatic Personality
The symbol is an arrow in flight with a certain similarity to the symbol for Mars, the action planet. Although Sagittarius and Aries (sign ruled by Mars) are both fiery, philosophic and independent, they seldom see eye to eye. Sagittarius tends to be more prudent and circumspect than Aries, preferring to shoot the arrow and hit the bull’s eye in one shot. Indeed, the efficiency of Sagittarius in this matter is matched only by the deadly aim of Leo. However, the sign of Apollo owes skill more to strategy and battle maneuvers than supervision. In the third fire sign, we find qualities of Aries and Leo mostly in a polished, refined, well-tuned mode of expression. Sag organizational skills operate well with jobs where cooperation and cohesiveness are required for success. Pure Sagittarian sharpness tends to a view of the universe much like a perfectly humming machine, with all parts of the whole exactly where they belong. Natives are prominent in R & D, package, and management areas of business because their vision provides knowledge about the motivations and value codes of clients. They perform well in education since this sign seeks to emphasize the higher mind qualities. Frequently Sag will develop analytical, anatomical [sports] or mechanical skills (especially in our era of Space Age technology) but can be happy working in areas of religion, philosophy, psychology, counseling and management. The good news about Sag is the incalculable factor [luck], optimism, and honesty you can bet on when this individual is around; batteries not required. Gifts of far-sightedness, skill when the venture requires binding scattered factors back to the whole, and restoration of high level performance/productivity in cost effective programs. The bad news about Sagittarius is a frequent lack of tact and diplomatic presentation of facts. On unusual occasions, their intuitive gifts can even be minimized by the exceedingly frank delivery [Numb3rs] system.
Douglas Fairbanks, Jr.
Jane Fonda, added partnership Ted Turner
Frank Sinatra and Rat Pack, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., more
Additional information @ The Mystic White Wave [includes gemstones by colour], and The Blue-Violet Wave.
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Capricorn, The Sea-Goat and Goat * Cardinal Earth Sign
Public Image, Spiritualization of the Terrestrial, Time Management
Capricorn is the third earth sign that represents the summit. The achievement is realized through a respect for the standard, grounded business skills and proficiency. Like Aquarians, Capricorns sometimes think of the physical world as their personal laboratory and construction zone. The Sun enters Capricorn on the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of our year, consequently natives are time-space managers, who keep to strict programs and strive to perform with utmost efficiency. They are often as silent, cloaked, and sophisticated as nature during the Winter months. Cap natives are usually sober, scheduled, and comfortable with ritual and ceremoniousness, perhaps because of concern for optimum use of opportunity, security and raw materials (including time/form.) They frequently move up to high positions on the corporate ladder, after starting at the basement level, by taking each rung at a time, so risk is minimal. Capricorn excels in military, judicial branches and in any well structured/disciplined workplace. They want to acquire prestige and knowledge, honor and power and may seek these out in a manner that may seem to an observer somewhat austere. This native may labor for years and become an 'overnight' success! Perfecting matter is a goal and perfecting form (ritual) also falls under the heading of Capricorn. The good news is the ability to make things work, to put the right person in the right position to improve productivity and the quality of a product or service. They are efficient executives in Devil Wears Prada industries, fitness, or personal contact professions, so their romantic lives go through various phases. The negative Capricorn is too absorptive and too tight with their time, so that nothing can get in or out with a grease gun. Usual complaints rise because Caps take themselves (and everyone else) too seriously.
John Paul Jones
Gene Krupa, big band drummer
Additional information @ The Mystic White Wave [includes gemstones by colour], Natural Neutral Colours, and The Blue-Violet Wave.
- 11 -
Aquarius, The Old Water Bearer * Fixed Sign
Air Sign: Intellect, Communication, Relationships
Aquarius is the third air sign, sometimes said to be the cupbearer, representing liquid when contained as the symbol of immortal life. Natives often seem to personify the workings of the mind, and excel in professions that emphasize Space Age technology, computers and spontaneous intellectual adaptation to external change/stimuli or the abstract. They think and move quickly. They understand the zone that exists past the horizon, phenomena and parapsychology, and can display talent that translates the vision to stage and screen. As wonderful screenwriters, or master CGI teckies, they work on cutting edge special effects [lighting techniques] for entertainment. Aquarians are a hard act to follow (where no one has gone before.) Keen observers of nature and her cycles, those under Aquarian stars have natural gifts for counseling, anticipating change well in advance of an event, and utilizing idealism, perhaps to the degree of a Jedi. The Aquarian is sky conscious and future oriented. The vision of a heaven on earth may be central to a belief system, also that change must begin within each of us. Aquarian Age expectations are high with a promise of a new golden age. The need to develop the self to the fullest possible potential underlies Aquarian enthusiasm. This sign rules the lower leg and so we think of action and interaction with collectives, people working together. They are natural cooperative ‘idea people’ and programmers, and strive for a peaceful society wherein each individual has a voice but is not reduced to a numeral in a computer system. Aquarians are those fast paced individuals, out in front of the crowd, so the appearance of the Bohemian who is likely to challenge tradition - unconventional and eccentric. The good news about Aquarius is the capability to employ tradition, size up any situation well, organize group action, and take the part of troubleshooter. When the bad news bears are in town time windows open and close without notice or an inconvenient time frame reference emerges causing scheduled appointments to miss each other. Numeric labels can be suspended! Since they are clairvoyant however, they know when people won’t show.
Sun Sign: Aquarius
Additional information @ The Mystic White Wave [includes gemstones by colour], Trump XI and XII in my House System, and The Mountain Lake Wave.
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Pisces, The Two Fishes * Mutable Sign
Water Sign: Spiritual Family, Empathic/psyche bonds, Poetic Interpretation
Pisces is the third water sign, ruled by Neptune-Poseidon, representing heightened spiritual awareness. This sign is very strongly aligned with the use of creative/artistic energy. Natives tend to prefer a complete picture of any activity in the planning stage before taking step one to implement the plan. So Pisces tends to master illusion, the arts, and fantasy mobility early. Natives have imagination to span the globe, yet appear a bit passive, as though on the sidelines of life sitting in the peanut gallery. In reality they design the parade look and traffic lanes for the flow of these events! As planners and organizers, they contribute as much energy as everyone else to any project, and shy away from tooting their own horn. If ‘in front of the camera’ they often work in the ‘nice, sympathetic roles’ people affectionately refer to as ‘tear-jerkers.’ The truth is that the quiet and subtle Piscean is often cast in the role of the sacrifice in any walk of life. The aptitude/insight for frugality and the aesthetic tends to be balanced out by a love of rich living. Precognition plays a role in the program structure so an other-worldly, lavish look comes complete with mystique & public interest. This is a global sign, universal in scope, one of altruism and the belief in bonds between all in the family & life as a whole unit of work. The subtle, invisible ties and inner soul life are sometimes visible to this native who is able to penetrate beyond the superficial. The term ‘still waters run deep’ easily applies to Pisces, often the student of veiled text, body language and the use of illusion. As truthsayers, they read past appearances clouded over by facts and statistics (these are in the domain of Virgo – reflex action with Pisces) ~ may write poetry, translate works and perform. Many artists and composers born under this zodiacal ray are inspired to contribute dreamy and impressionist work. The good news about Pisces is the ability to dream and make those visions come true. Generous and self-effacing, sometimes to a fault, the Piscean makes an ideal friend, always there when you need them. The bad news is their habit of conceptualizing without taking action. They should strive to develop more of their natural talent and those avenues for expression in the material world and keep their feet on the ground - at least once in a while!
Sun Sign: Pisces Ornette Coleman
Bruce Willis Additional information @ Trump XI and XII in my House System
'Hasta la vista, baby'
Enemies List from A Reliable Source
Subject: Zodiac Joke
This time they’ve gone too far. Drive any sign stark, slobbering loony in seconds by following this guide.
ARIES – Be kind to their enemies. Display no passion. Act like you don’t like them.
TAURUS - Spend their money, eat their food, borrow stuff, don’t return it, and tell them to hurry. Change the objects around in their house when they’re not looking; just move everything a few inches from their normal spots.
GEMINI - Bore them to tears with long monologues about your emotional life. Don’t talk to them at all. Monopolize them at a party so they can’t move about and talk to anyone else.
MOONCHILD -Criticize their homes; warn them that they might lose their jobs or that a highway is going to be built running through their livingroom.
LEO - Teach them something they don’t know about. Ignore them. Forget to introduce them. Chuckle at their taste.
VIRGO - Whine a lot. Mess up their homes, wreck their schedules, rip off the box tops, loose the cap to the toothpaste. Tear the tags off pillows, mattresses and towels.
LIBRA - Say “It’s up to you.” A lot. Take them to ugly places. Act gross in public, wipe your nose in your sleeve in full view. Criticize their partners. Refuse to argue with them.
SCORPIO - Ask personal questions. Know too much. Be more successful than they are and don’t brag about it; it kills them.
SAGITTARIUS - Give them lots of responsibility. Travel more than they do. Point up the lack of realism in their philosophies. Invite them to bogus social functions. Make them wear clothes they hate.
CAPRICORN - You organize everything – they feel useless. Remind them of the time they were late for an appointment. Embarrass them in public.
AQUARIUS - Show off. Get personal and intimate. Insist they phone in thirteen times a day to inform you of their exact movements. Take them for granted.
PISCES - Tell them to get a grip on themselves, that they’re wallowing in self-pity. Meet them in bright, noisy, crowded places, like an underground station or Rockefeller Center.
My son sent me this on the condition I would not print it out. (I print out too much he says). I am therefore sending a copy of it to everyone I know.
<< --------------------------------------- >>
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb.....
ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?
TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.
VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No-on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
SAGITARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
AQARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...
PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
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